Posted on: May 4, 2020 Posted by: Caspar Barnes Comments: 0

The end is nigh! At least that is what the headlines are saying. And no, not of life as we know it, but the curtains are drawing on the first battle in World War Covid (WW19). It is unclear which side has won this round, but one thing is certain, mankind will triumph in the end.

“No Wetherspoons, no McDonald’s and no Premier League for an entire month”

In an effort to save our world from imminent self-destruction, the Herculean resilience of the British population has been mesmerising. No Wetherspoons, no McDonald’s and no Premier League for an entire month. Few would have thought it possible that this country would have survived more than a few days once these pillars of British society had been removed. Yet it would appear that Britain can take it.

This staggering abstinence has embodied the revival of ‘Blitz Spirit’ in the United Kingdom. In the name of our National Health Service, we have forced barbecues off the beaches, we have forced congestion off the streets, and we have forced festivals out of the fields and hills of Glastonbury.

There are a myriad of other similarities that can be drawn between this great battle and the last time Europe was under siege. Unfortunately, we can’t scapegoat the Germans this time.

Many hotels have refashioned themselves into modern air raid shelters to protect the homeless from the airborne invasion. According to The Sunday Times, more than 5,500 rough sleepers across the country have been sheltered.Hats off to Best Western, Travelodge and The Holiday Inn for protecting some of those most vulnerable to the virus.

Many unsung heroes have been working for the Ministry of Defense crafting supplies for the frontline. James, a 24-year-old lad from Yorkshire, has been replenishing the troops with tools to fight the invisible enemy. He and his colleagues have been braving the outside world to make sure the NHS are supplied, at all times, with another bastion of British society: The Meal Deal.

Nurses marching alongside munitions workers during WWII c. 1942

These sandwich makers are the modern-day embodiment of ‘Canary Girls’. The WWII female munitions factory workers, so named because their skin was dyed yellow by the sulphuric chemicals that they handled. Luckily, making a BLT is not as complex as fusing TNT, but there is undoubtedly a subtle art to both.

For those in doubt, the Army has publicly quashed rumours that it is taking part in a large culinary exercise in Wembley Stadium to stave off food rationing (see image below).

However, our armed forces have been deployed to redistribute Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) across the country and to support where needed.Another army, this one of volunteers, has sprung up across the land as first responders, virus testers, or even just helpful grocery shoppers. Everyone is playing their part in some way.

From the comfort of his own patio Captain Tom Moore, the centurion war veteran, has raised over £30 million pounds for the war effort against the deadly virus. Pensioners these days really are a marvel and must be protected at all costs.

The Body Coach, Joe Wicks, has reincarnated himself as the nation’s PE teacher in order to keep schoolchildren on the Home Front fit and ready for battle. Now, British children will be ready to take up arms and fight against the imminent second wave of viral invasion.

Thanks to the delivery drivers, shelf stackers, street sweepers, bin collectors and many other key workers, we remain fed and content. Thanks to the valiant doctors and nurses thousands of lives will be saved.

And with Friday 8th May being the 75th Anniversary of the end of the Second World War in Europe (VE Day), this country-wide unity seems like the most fitting tribute. Well, that, and thankfully it’s also a bank holiday.

By Caspar Barnes


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